ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
