he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
