I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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