"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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