my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize