everyone is single if you try hard enough
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
