Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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