Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
