Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
