I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
