guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
