Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
