You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
