Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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