life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
