it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
