my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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