Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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