Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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