Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.