i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
