Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.