You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
