Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
