You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
