i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
