I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
