miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
