I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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