He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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