the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize