I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
