First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
