If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
