Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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