for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
