Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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