proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
