she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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