Small penises have feelings too.
im six kinds of drunk right now
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
