I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Did we literally take a cab across the street
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
