If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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