it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
