Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
