i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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