Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
