I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I puked a lego.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
