Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
