That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
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Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
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My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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