It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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