Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
last night I used snow as a chaser
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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