I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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