All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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