he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's official drugs can't kill me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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