I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
