What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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