How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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