I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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