Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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