I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
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I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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