**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
