90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
