She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
