TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
