Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
