shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
