and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
