We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
