YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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